Being single after 20 years of marriage has been hard. It's lonely. Now, my marriage was not all peaches and cream. Actually, most the time it was vinegar and oil. We didn't mesh well at all. As a matter of fact, when we were going to counseling we were required to take a compatibility test. The question was asked, "How have you stayed together for nearly 20 years?" The reason for this question was that our compatibility score was 99.9% incompatible. The only reason it wasn't 100% was that the score didn't go that high. I think it was just pure determination to try to prove everyone wrong who said we would never make it. The problem was that only one of us really wanted the relationship for all the right reasons. The other one was looking for a trophy. I'll let you guess which was which.
As with any other single male or female over the age of 40, loneliness has set in rather quickly. I know I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. I also know that I'm scared to death to trust my heart to anyone else. It's scary to think that I am having to start life all over again at the age of 42. I haven't been on a date since 1990. I have no idea what I'm doing. For the longest time I fought off turning to the internet for help. God only knows what kind of crazies you would meet. I mean, look at the Craig's List killer. That in and of itself is enough to deter anyone in their right mind from looking on the internet. But, how else am I going to ever meet someone? I don't go to bars. I'm not really the party kind of girl. I don't hang out at clubs for the same reason. I do like to dance and have a good time, but I don't want to meet a man who would hang out at either of these places as he probably wouldn't be a good potential next husband, not to mention how young most of them are.
But, I gave in. A friend of mine sent me a link to a free site just to meet new people and get out of the house every once in a while. He was a lifesaver. Even if I don't find anyone I would actually want to meet, I at least have more than my fair share of men wanting to talk to me. Turns out, all I really needed was a little boost of self-confidence and a good strong dose of self-esteem. It does a body good.
Now, why this topic? To say this. You meet someone online. You chat for awhile and get to know one another. You check out each other's photos, likes and dislikes. You only know this person by the photo they have put up as their profile picture. You think you know them by their robotic responses to your questions, telling you what they think you want to hear. How do you know, first of all, that the picture on their profile is even of them? How do you know if there is any truth in their answers to your questions? And then, THAT day comes. The day you change your relationship status to "In a Relationship." Really???!!! You have never actually met this person IN PERSON. You may have chatted on the phone, but everyone is confident and self-assured when they're either talking through chat or on the phone. Doesn't anyone believe in getting to know someone face-to-face before deciding you're "in a relationship?" If she only knew that you were really some over-the-hill, wannabe stud living at home with his mommy and working part-time at a gas station, if you even have a job at all. If he only knew that you were a 14-year-old girl trying to act all grownup online and see how many men you can get to chase you, unaware that you are jailbait.
So again I ask the question, "What's in a (relationship) status?" More cover-up than even the United States Government. Everyone is like an onion. As Shrek would say, "onions have layers...I have layers." Peel back the layers of these people and what do you find? With some people, each layer you peel away is just another tasty morsel. At the core is a beautiful bulb just waiting to be planted and nurtured. With others, the outer peels may look a-peeling (haha...pun), but once you get a few layers in you begin to see the rot. By the time you get to the core there is nothing left worth doing anything with. So, I say to all of you out there who are single and looking. Be VERY careful and use A LOT of precaution when you venture into the world of online dating. Meet in public places until you are confident you know this person before pointing him/her in the direction of your home, your family. And please, before you go changing your relationship status, make sure you have actually MET the person face-to-face. Sorry, Skype or any other form of video conferencing does not count.
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