We all do it. We pull out the old yearbooks, the old photo albums. We take our walks down memory lane, over, and over, and over again. Where did the time go? Where did that person go? It has us all singing "Let's do the time-warp again!" At some point in our lives we all "wanna go back in time." But, until that crazy man in the wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey blue box comes knocking at our door, we are stuck with the here-and-now. There is no do-over. There is only today. Question is, do we continue to look behind us at what once was, or do we look forward to where we hope to be?
As I go through this journey, far from being my last, I have to remember to look at the finish line, to the me I really want to be, and not look behind at the things I no longer have any control over. I have to learn to love myself, just as I am. it is not only a transformation of body, but also of mind and spirit. As my body transforms, so does the way I see myself, and how I feel about myself. It's a hard journey to take. Some transformations are better than others. Losing the weight and feeling lighter than I was is great. But, the transformation of my body itself is a little hard to take right now. As I lose the weight I can see where the tissue was removed. The empty void seems to be even more empty.
But, I can now picture what my body will one day look like and no longer look back at where I started. I can picture myself in all these beautiful clothes I see that, not too long ago, I only feigned to one day wear. The more my body transforms, the easier it is for me to see myself actually one day wearing those clothes. Now, if I can just figure out how I'm going to pay for them once I get there.
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