Tonight I went from having too many offers to do things to having absolutely nothing to do. My daughter wanted me to go to the football game with her tonight and my sister-in-law wanted me to go to a movie with her. The problem with going to the movie is that my daughter would need to watch my nieces for us, which she couldn't because she was going to the football game.
So, the first thing that fell apart was the football game. Just before I got off work it started storming. Since it has been hot and humid I didn't want to be out in that if I didn't have to. So, I decided to contact my sister-in-law. She was in town, but she had some errands to run, then she would probably come over. So, I stayed home. I didn't go anywhere.
But, the night wasn't a complete bust. I spent some alone time, in reflection. It feels good to be able to sort through your thoughts and your emotions. I used the time to take a look at myself, a good look. I have figured out that I am a lot harder on myself than anyone else. The reason I am so hard on myself is because I see me, the me that nobody else sees, the me in the mirror. I see the parts of me that have been mutilated. Everyone else sees the cover-up.
It has taken some time, but I have come to accept my body as it is, deformities and all. Which is why I am doing this now. I know it is going to take time, but I am working on trying to resculpt my body into what it should be, ending with the reconstructive surgery. I can't wait until the day I can feel comfortable posting my before and after pictures.
Stay tuned...
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