When I look in the mirror I see a science project gone wrong. I look at myself and wonder how anyone is ever going to fall in love with me. I know this is a self-pity party, but if you saw what I see every day I think you would understand. This body of mine has been through a lot in its....cough, cough...40-ish years. I have been through a few surgeries that have left me somewhat disfigured. It's not that obvious to everyone else because I've learned the fine art of camouflage. I know how to dress this body to make it look somewhat presentable. But, once you peel back the layers of this onion you will definitely tear up.
Why do I have this misconception? Could it be because all the guys I know are with thin, beautiful women? Could it be because all the males I know are always hanging out with thin, beautiful women? Nah...well, maybe a little. My biggest problem is that women don't tend to view a man's appearance the way men view a woman. We don't look at a man and see his size. We notice his eyes, his voice, his personality. Guys, from my own experience, notice a woman's butt, breasts, and, if he makes it that far, her eyes. Just listen to the songs on the radio. Florida Georgia Line comes to mind. And have you seen the music videos? The girls in these videos are thin, young, and beautiful. Just once I would like to see the girls that these guys sing about as plus-sized and curvaceous.
I know my feelings are just insecurities, but it's hard not to have insecurities when you've been carved up like a Frankenstein project. I need to spend more time focusing on the parts of me that I do think are nice. So, here goes....in my opinion, I have nice hair, pretty eyes, and I still have nice legs (at least the bottom half). I think I'm fairly stylish and dress well for my size. Just to let you know, writing these things about myself makes me feel very uncomfortable. But, it's better to face my insecurities than run from them. I better post this before I lose my confidence.
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